So as you can probably see by now, coffee was a much disputed drink in the seventeenth-century. Some people championed the drink for its virtues, others for it's "miracles" ("made the corn fall from her lip like a clean acorn!!!"), but many people detested the stuff.
Others like "Satyr" the winelover (and how's THAT for a pseudonym?!) were pretty irritated that people were spending their shillings on coffee, instead of England's real mother's milk--ale and wine. To Satyr, drinking coffee was a treasonous act akin to trying to blow up Parliament.
But coffee drinkers weren't just traitors, they were godless too. Drinking coffee was pretty much like signing a pact with the devil.
According to the "Satyr"...
"a swill that needs must be accursed,
and of all sorts of drink the very worst,
by which the devil's children's are nursed."
I don't know about you, but I'm ready for another cup. Be back soon!